Understanding the Codependent-Addict Relationship
Posted on: August 4th, 2014
Many people believe that addicts are solely responsible for their addiction. There’s an assumption that they made “bad choices” and their addiction is simply a consequence of those choices. In truth, the path to addiction and ongoing addictive behavior is much more complex.
One powerful contributing factor is a relationship dynamic called codependency, where people in an addict’s life play a role in supporting their addiction. The motivation of these individuals is not easy to pinpoint. Sometimes they knowingly support the addict in order to receive some sort of payoff in doing so, but more often they enter into codependency unknowingly. In fact, many believe they are a positive influence – providing loving care for the addict.
The behaviors of codependents are many and varied, but one typical behavior is lending money to an addict. The addict then uses these funds to purchase the substance they’re addicted to. Sometimes, codependents will actually give the addict the very substance they are addicted to. This is typical of codependents around morbidly obese individuals suffering from food addition. Because they cannot easily leave their home, the addict may ask codependents to bring them unhealthy food and codependents, thinking they’re making a loving gesture, will agree. Sadly, the codependent may not realize that this is destructive and is actually fueling the addiction.
Clearly, codependency harms the addict, but it’s important to emphasize that the codependent person is negatively impacted as well. Those who are codependent often have a pattern of relationships that are one-sided or even abusive. Over time these painful relationships take a toll, and may cause the person to retreat from social interaction and isolate themselves.
Characteristics of Codependent People (from Mental Health America):
- An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
- A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
- A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
- A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
- An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The codependent will do anything to hold onto a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
- An extreme need for approval and recognition
- A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
- A compelling need to control others
- Lack of trust in self and/or others
- Fear of being abandoned or alone
- Difficulty identifying feelings
- Rigidity or difficulty adjusting to change
- Problems with intimacy and boundaries
- Chronic anger
- Lying and dishonesty
- Poor communications
- Difficulty making decisions
If you or a family member think you may be in a codependent relationship with an addict please contact Maureen Kritzer-Lange Psychotherapy. We can help you work through the issue and bring relief. Email: info@maureenkritzerlange.com or phone: 973-313-1691.
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