Overcoming Body Shaming
Posted on: May 5th, 2015
Most of us don’t understand the destructive power of shaming. The reason, in part, is that shaming is ubiquitous. In our culture, shaming starts in our formative years. Many parents use the phrase “shame on you” to teach children the difference between right and wrong. This is intended to develop a healthy moral compass, but it also primes us for a lifetime of constantly making judgements about ourselves and others.
These judgements are driven in part by what’s socially acceptable. Take body image for example – how we view our own bodies and those of others is largely dictated by social norms. For many decades “thin is in” has been a widely used and accepted mantra in our culture. As a consequence many of us formed an all or nothing attitude about how a body should be. If you’re thin you’re fine, you get our approval and our praise, but if you’re a different body type you have a problem that needs fixing – you get our judgement and our shaming.
Body shaming is a pervasive, ongoing source of pain for the large majority of us who don’t fit the “perfect body type” and to make matters worse we’re not just being shamed by others we’re also shaming ourselves.
Tune into your own thoughts and notice how frequently you turn on yourself with body shaming. You’ll think something like, “I can’t wear yoga pants because people will stare at my cellulite” or “I don’t deserve to go to the beach because I look horrible in a swimsuit”. Or those believing they’re too thin might think, “I need to cover up even though it’s a hot day, because people will think I’m too bony.
Thankfully, you can learn to change your thinking and halt patterns of body shaming. First, it’s important to realize your current perspective is somewhat distorted and needs to be replaced with a new, positive perspective. For example, dispense with the notion that you can transform yourself into a magazine cover model. Acknowledge that images are heavily photoshopped and these people don’t even exist! Notice how good it feels to let yourself off the hook – to relieve yourself of the pressure of transforming into some impossible ideal.
Another way to shape your new perspective is to celebrate the ways you’re different from others. We all have unique physical and psychological differences. Focus on these traits with a sense of pride. When you think about it, do you really want to be like everyone else? You’re a distinct individual with special qualities. Capitalize on these differences. They’re the building blocks for living a creative, dynamic life.
You can also benefit from turning your focus outward instead of an inward focus on weight and food. Broaden your life experiences with new activities, hobbies, and volunteer work. Engaging in healthy activities and making a difference in people’s lives can wake up another side of your self. This builds confidence and fosters a loving mindset – a deeper love for others, and yourself.
If you’re struggling with body-shaming issues, Maureen Kritzer-Lange Psychotherapy can help bring relief. Call (973) 313-1691 or email info@maureenkritzerlange.com.
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